Your space serves you, not the other way around

I’ve never been someone who needs things to be clean or tidy. I can go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink, clean laundry can sit unfolded for weeks and don’t even ask me about dusting.

Some of these things bother me and others don’t. I know at home my table is filled with Amazon boxes, gift bags from my baby shower and random mail. That weighs on me that it’s cluttered and needs to be cleaned.

On the other hand, I could not care less what my baseboards look like or if there’s some toothpaste in the sink.

I’m beyond blessed and fortunate to have a husband who not only consistently does the dishes and all the cleaning of the floors, but also doesn’t care if things get a little out of hand.

If we’re both working, the dishes or the clutter can wait for a day off. Neither of us gets too upset about it.

Some of this lack of cleaning comes from not caring — the spots on the mirror don’t keep me up at night. But a lot of it comes from task paralysis and being overstimulated.

With a baby coming soon, I’ve realized I will need to get better about staying on top of some of this. Baby needs clean clothes, sanitized bottles and a safe space to crawl and play.

I did what I usually do and turned to a book. I’m almost done reading “How to Keep House While Drowning,” by K.C. Davis.

This book has been incredible at changing my mentality around chores, or as Davis calls them, “care tasks.”

I want to point out a couple parts of the books I highlighted because I found them either helpful or poignant.

The first came early with a tip around tidying.

“Although it looks like a lot, there are actually only five things in any room: (1) trash, (2) dishes, (3) laundry, (4) things that have a place and (5) things that do not have a place.”

I was able to use this strategy this weekend. We didn’t have a ton of time for cleaning because we were enjoying the nice weather. We went through the house with a garbage bag, focusing on only the trash and cleaning it all up.

Not only did this feel like a simple enough task to get started, it also made me start to do a couple other things. We didn’t have any dishes not already in the sink, but we did have some clothes laying around. I put those all in the laundry basket and now felt like the house was in a better state even though it wasn’t perfect.

This ties into another quote I highlighted. “Anything worth doing is worth doing partially.” If I had chosen not to clean a little because I didn’t have time to tackle the whole house, my table would be even messier today.

Because I often overbook myself, my days off aren’t always mine. Sometimes I work at the bookstore, sometimes we go somewhere for the weekend or sometimes I end up covering something for the paper.

When I do have a free weekend, I feel like it’s my job to get my cleaning done before I relax.

Davis helped me look at this a different way.

“You do not have to earn the right to rest, connect or recreate. Unlearn the idea that care tasks must be totally complete before you can sit down.”

I watch one episode of “Survivor” every week when the season is on, and doing so makes me feel like such a slacker when I’m surrounded by mess. This week, I’ll try to remember I don’t need to earn that hour of TV.

As I said, my husband does the dishes almost 100% of the time and takes care of most of the kitchen and all of the floors. Sometimes it makes me feel bad that he does all this without complaint and I struggle to do my fair share.

While I’m not going to stop appreciating him, I did find this quote eye-opening.

“The goal should not be to make the work equal but to ensure that the rest is fair.”

With his work schedule, he typically gets three or four consecutive days off. With the way this industry is, I’m lucky to get two. I feel less like a burden considering our different times we have to rest and do activities that bring us joy.

Perhaps the biggest thing I’ve taken from the book so far is that your space is supposed to work for you. It’s supposed to be functional. What do you need to make your space work?

For example, my table. What do I need that table to do for me? We don’t eat at the table together, but with my pregnancy craving of cereal, I like to eat at the table in the morning. Therefore, if there is enough space for me to comfortably eat cereal there in the morning, the space is serving me. The rest can wait.

With laundry, she says her family needs clean clothes. That doesn’t mean they won’t ever have dirty clothes, but that there will always be something clean to wear.

I haven’t folded clothes in weeks, they are just in a pile. I started thinking how can this serve me better?

What if I started by putting away all the clothes that don’t fit my growing body anymore? Then there’s less to look through in the morning.

I’m sure there are some people reading this thinking, just fold your clothes! But I hope there are others who also have the big laundry pile, the junk table and the dishes that sit overnight reading this and realizing that doesn’t make them any less of a person.

As Davis says, “Dirty dishes mean I’ve fed myself. Scattered hobby supplies mean I am creative. Scattered toys and mess mean I am a fun mom. The stacked boxes in the hall mean I was thoughtful enough to order what we need. The clothes strewn on the floor mean I had a full day.”